I met the boogey man... he calls me to snack after bedtime.

I exceeded my goals yesterday the largest yet.
I stepped further....



Exercised longer and harder ...



Feeling so good about being so far ahead of my goals....



Then bedtime came and so did the snacks! 
I killed my forward progress.  Ughh  Late night eating is doing me in. 



I am still feeling like poop.  My cold turned into a sinus infection.  I have been on the new anti-biotics for 3 days and the mucus is clear now.  But, there is just as much of it and it is the thickest stuff I have ever seen.  It gets in the back of my throat and coats it, then slides down into my lungs and I can't cough it up. 

We have air quality warnings for every day this week until Saturday.  I really have to watch these.  Last week I was wandering around down at the park with Layla feeding the ducks and that night it felt like a huge amount of pressure was sitting on my chest making me work hard for a good breath.

I am getting a little cabin fever-ish.  It happens every February.  This month now I can't get outside and enjoy some of our warm sunny weather, so I think I will get back out my cookbook stuff and start filling up those empty pages. 
I am adding a section to the back for "lesser calorie" foods.  I figure everyone can use them from time to time, and I am hoping with some tweaking of the recipes I can make them taste like they aren't diet.
I'll be posting the recipes here after I try them out on Bill. 

I have weigh in tomorrow morning at Weight Watchers.  I'll be sure to get on here and post my results.  It could have been such a good week, if it weren't for those late night disasters.

I know even with a pound gained here or there that I am losing weight.  My clothes fit differently, my face is looking thinner, even my jewelry is either fitting better or falling off my fingers.

It is fast approaching my one year mark for this blog.  I want to go back and do some reading and see where I have been.  It seems like I have had this for a lifetime.  So many things last year. 

My curles came back

Suddenly as quickly as they left, they came back.  I have curls again. 

No need this time for captions under the above pictures.  I am meeting my goals and working my cardio up each day a little. 

Again... People who read this without Copd will see those small spaces of time that I exercise and be amazed that's all I can do.  Trust me... more than about 20 minutes and I feel so breathless and my heart is beating so fast that I feel like I could hit the floor.  That's why I am fine getting my cardio workouts throughout the day.  I don't work, and have all the time for it. 

I know I talk about this a lot.  But I visit several different Copd sites, groups and facebook pages.  For the most part "we" are a tough gang.  But, there is an underlying thread ... sometimes very small, but it's still there.
People give up.  They tend to get into a depression and accept that it is because they have Copd and it is a symptom.  It seems they have lost the fight.  I know in the beginning of my diagnoses I read all things negative online.  All the talk about "life expectancy" "quality of life" and STAGES... my god... everyone talks about STAGES.

There comes a time, I don't care how old you are when you find out you have this ugly disease that you have to decide if you want to give up and waste away... because that is easy to do.  Or, to quit becoming everything you read and FIGHT.  And, it is a fight.  I think November of last year I was officially diagnosed so it's been about a year.  I can now tell when my depression is coming.  Yes, I take a anti-depressant everyday ... but that only helps it, it does not take it away.  You have to make yourself be valuable.  And, pull yourself up from those dark moods.

Trust me... I know about the shame of this disease.  After all... we did it to ourselves right?  I see the looks I get with my cannula wrapped around my face.  I am changed.  I am different.  But, I still am alive and I still can do so much. 

I was just like most in the beginning.  I could not get past the STAGES, the LIFE EXPECTANCY.  I focused on it.  I dreamt about it.  I OBSESSED about it.  I couldn't get past it.... until I realized that I was waisting all my time feeling sorry for myself and thinking about only what I couldn't do instead of what I still could do.  I decided to live.

Now I am making up for a year of self loathing.  Depression (at least for me) helped me gain weight and become lethargic.  I quit smoking and gained about 40 pounds. 

I am living proof that someone diagnosed with Severe Copd can move about.  I pack my oxygen canisters with me everywhere I go.  Yes, they get heavy and yes life was easier without them.  But, it is a small price to pay. 
I know with each cold I get that it can turn into pneumonia and it could further damage my lungs.  I know that I am limited to how far and fast I can walk anymore because my heart rate races.  I know I still need to lose weight so my breathing will be better. 
I am not giving up.  I want more than 10 to 15 years. 

I need someone to padlock the bedroom door

This is a perfect example of me going over my calorie budget but because I worked out longer I still reached my 1k deficit goal.



I am telling you every little bit adds up.  So, for any of you who also have Copd and think they can't exercise look at this.  It took me ALL day and into the night to reach my goal.  But, I did it and with an infection and steroids.




I told Bill this morning, I need someone to padlock my bedroom door shut when I go to bed at night.  I added about 500 calories last night that I didn't need.  It is a habit, and one I am struggling to break. 




I had such hopes for my deficit yesterday.  I was going to make up for Tuesday and Wednesday when I didn't reach my 1k.  Darned food at night. 



Bill, for an early birthday gift ordered me a cookbook off of QVC.  It is by  Marlene Koch and it's called Eat what you Love.  It is subtitled Great for weight loss and Diabetes diets. 

Last night I looked around the house and took a little inventory of what we actually had to eat.  It's the end of the month, we have no pantry or large freezer or extra cupboard space for food, so we pretty much buy just for the month.  The last few days we are usually scrounge around.

I found a recipe in this new book and made a few substitutions... and it was wonderful.

It is called... Corkscrew Chicken and Broccoli Alfredo

(It called for chicken, broccoli and light cream cheese... I didn't have that so I substituted ground turkey.. cooked and crumbled.. regular cream cheese and a little bit of cauliflower in the place of broccoli.)

Here is the recipe..

8 ounces (3 cups dry) rotini, or bowties

5 cups broccoli florets

1 cup low fat milk (I used fat free 1/2 & 1/2)

1 cup reduced sodium fat free chicken broth

1 1/2 tablespoon corn starch

2 ounces or 1/4 cup light cream cheese

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

1/4 teaspoon pepper or more to taste

1/2 cup Parmesan cheese

2 cups shredded cooked boneless, skinless chicken breasts

Cook pasta according to the package directions while preparing the sauce and setting aside.

Place the broccoli in a large microwave-safe dish.  Add 3 tablespoons of water, cover and microwave 4 minutes until it's tender crisp.

In a medium saucepan, whisk the milk and cornstarch until smooth.  Whisk in the broth and place over low heat.  Add the cream cheese, garlic powder, and pepper.  Bring to a low simmer and cook until the sauce thickens, about 4 minutes.  Cook until smooth.

Toss the cooked pasta, broccoli and chicken together in a large serving dish.  Pour the sauce on top and toss gently to combine.  Top with grated Parmesan and serve.

Makes about 6 servings

Calories 330 ; Carbs 36 grams ; Total Fat 7 grams (Sat. Fat 3.5 grams) ; Protein 27 grams ; Fiber 4 grams ; Cholesterol 50 mg ; Sodium 400 grams ;

Weight Watcher point comparison 6 points per serving

It was good.  I would happily serve it to guests also.  So good in fact... that's what is for dinner tonight. 

So, I have been looking around doing some reading on a couple Copd sites.  Reading about people with moderate to severe Emphysema and copd.  I figured out I am doing pretty well.  It appears to me that besides the obvious breathing issues the biggest problem is depression and not giving up.  I can relate with each of them.  I start sliding that way quite a bit.  I just can't let myself dwell there.  With this disease at the stage it is at, under wonderful conditions I can see maybe 15 years.  But, that is taking into account so many things.  How often one gets sick?  The damage each of those times does to the lungs?  How strong you keep your body... that means not just giving up and stopping moving.  Eating healthy, staying away from lung harming foods such as fats and sodium. 

When I see people who are at my stage of this disease (and yes, I know everyone is different, and not every case has the same symptoms) who are wallowing in depression, gave up exercise and just sit and can't walk without assistance, who gain weight, and who feel sorry for themselves.  With each exacerbation they fall further downward.  I don't mean to be cruel, but for those poor folks life expectancy falls dramatically to about 9-12 years.  Age of course also plays a factor in this. 

I waisted almost a year in that dark place of self pity.  Time I could have been using to gather strength, get rid of weight and to fight back and not just give in. 

Today when I stepped up onto the trampoline I wondered to myself... "who the hell have I become?"  It definitely is someone I don't recognize.  I would have never thought of exercise while I was sick.  And, I do feel sick.  When I am exercising I break into a sweat almost immediately.  My breathing become very short and my pulse races ... much more than normal.  But, I keep going.  For a couple reasons.... 1 because if I want to continue to lose weight I need to exercise ... and 2 and right now probably the most important... I need to keep moving to keep this thick mucus from staying in my lungs.

I am becoming an active exerciser.  Who would'a thunk?  LoL  I miss the days when I am not doing it.  I feel better on the days I have a cardio workout in. 

I am looking forward to next month when I can get some free weights and work on my upper body.  It's nice to know that I own NO pants that fit me.  It's nice to see results.  I still have so far to go, but getting there seems within reach this time.

I really am wondering what this will do for my heart rate and breathing?  Very curious indeed.

New exercise postings and a Dr. appointment

This shows my calories burned, calories consumed and the caloric deficit for the day.



This shows food eaten and Protein, Carb, Fat and Calorie counts for each



I made a goal to not only do cardio for at least an hour, but to also get in at least 10k steps each day.  This shows the steps and at what intervals they were gotten.



This shows physical activity and when and how much I did each time.  My goal will eventually be to get to 2 hours of cardio per day. 

I will be posting these each day.  My daily charts.  They will always be one day behind though.  The reason for that is your body continues to burn calories through the night and to get an accurate total for the day you need to get it the next morning.

I am keeping my calories between 800 on the low side, and 1200 on the high side.  Even at 1200 calories a day ... If I burn 1k calories every day above what I have consumed, then I should show a 2 pound loss per week.  This has been hit or miss.  But quite frankly I haven't had a entirely good week for quite a while.

I am doing my best to get most of those calories as lean protein, but honestly, as long as I have protein once a day and crave carbs for dinner... I am letting up a bit.  Carbs meaning... whole wheat pasta and fruit.  I still haven't had bread and I still am doing my best to stay away from white flour or sugar.

My doctor appointment...

- Stress test results were fine.  They showed me out of shape.. LoL No kidding!  No heart disease showed and arteries are fine.  That's one link of the family gene pool I may have dodged.  I am not ready to be optimistic yet.  LOL

- Bowel issues... she called in a prescription for a stronger laxative that I can use every day. 

- Heart rate ... she called in a stronger version of my heart meds.  

-  She listened to my lungs and seemed surprised that I told her I had a chest cold.  Lungs sounded good.... Well... Then she figured out I have a sinus infection which is draining down my throat into my lungs.  Another visual I apologize for!  lol

So... New stronger antibiotics for it.  And, if my breathing doesn't get better she will call in more steroids for me.

-  We went over the Seattle Transplant Center conversation.  She said (and I agree) that this conversation needs to be more with my Pulmonologist.

-  And, last but not least I need to have follow up blood work done in the next few days to check my thyroid levels since surgery, just to make sure they are fine.

I just love her, she doesn't rush, truly seems interested and concerned, and I always leave there with my questions answered... that is, if I can remember the answers!  LOL

So... I started my antibiotics tonight, and hope they knock out this infection quickly.  I am just tired of being tired. 

I have been dragging my self to the trampoline.  You will see sometimes I only jump for 5 or 10 minutes at a time.  I just go until I either start coughing or wanna pass out. 

So................ Once again Bill's party is changed.  The poor guy will be 61 years old before her gets his party.  We decided to do it NEXT Saturday and that way we can celebrate both our birthdays.  I am usually never one to want a party.  But I just want to get together with friends I haven't seen in a while and play cards and visit.

We took Bill with Britt and Fernando and Layla to Chinese food last night.  I LOVE Chinese food, but checked for the caloric #'s online before we left and so I ate the kids meal chicken strips with Layla.  She thought it was cool that Grandma and her ate the same thing.

That's all I have for tonight.  I am going to quickly take my night time meds, exercise one more time and try to stay outta the refrigerator until tomorrow. 

 



Still sick and have measurments

I am glad to report I am still alive.  LoL  That is about all I can say about this cold/flu/lung infection... WHATEVER it is.

I have read, looked up and asked... and I still am not sure the difference.  Or, maybe after a diagnoses of Emphysema and Copd they all turn into lung infections. 

The flu tends to leave one achy and feverish and tired.  However, the lack of oxygen because my lungs are full and my nose (where the cannula goes) is plugged... so that leaves me sluggish, and tired.  What mucus that is coming out of my lungs is yellowish/green, which indicates infection doesn't it?  It is also confusing.

I think sometime last night my fever broke.  I know around 2:00 a.m. I woke up sweating really bad and then freezing.  After an hour or so I just sweated it all out.  Today I don't seem to have a fever except for when I jump on the trampoline.  LoL  I know that's a DUH thing!  I have been trying so hard to keep my hour of cardio up during this.  I can do about 15 minutes a time before my lungs hurt, and I have coughing fits, and my head starts to get hot and I get the shakes.  This would probably tell most smart people to stop this behavior... LOL  Not me!

Britt came over tonight and had dinner with us.  I had her take my measurements even though I had gained 1.2 pounds on Tuesday.  I was convinced that my legs and my hips and butt should be smaller because of the trampoline.  I was not as confident of my upper body??
Well, I was right.  I lost 1 to 2 inches since the 3rd of January off my bottom half.  I either stayed the same or gained a 1/2 inch here or there on the top.

I need to go buy some free weights to help me with my upper body.  I don't have the air or stamina to do push ups.  Maybe after I work with the free weights a while I can work up to those.
I am happy to be losing my lower half though. 

We are going out for Bills birthday dinner tomorrow.  He suggested Chinese.  I am trying to figure out what there I can eat that won't kill my diet.  At any rate I am going to try and work out much more tomorrow and not eat until dinner.  That will give me at least 800 calories for dinner, and if I go over it won't kill my progress for the week.

Last night I kept telling myself to go take my meds and go to bed.  Nope... I stayed up and snack 400 calories worth.  I still had a deficit for the day, but it wasn't close to my daily goal of 1k.  So... today I am trying to catch up. 
Seems like that's all I have been doing is playing catch up.

I had a confrontation with my step father via facebook messages.  He reached out a arm to me and I cut it off.  He wants me to be O.K. with his choice of a woman and I just never will be.  I sent him a picture of him, my mom and I from a few years ago... and said... This is my family.  What you are doing in my opinion is disrespecting my mothers memory.  I did wish him much health and happiness though.  LoL

I think that will be the last time I have any communication with him.  And, that's O.K. with me.  I feel good about speaking my peace to him and to wish him well. 

I know this blog is jumping around a lot, and I apologize... that's how my head is working today.  I have a primary care dr.'s appointment on Friday.  I am hoping to hear news about the stress test I took.  I will assume (even though I should know better than to do that lately) that it will be normal or nothing to worry about because I have not gotten a frantic call from the doctors. 
I do still have tachycardia and it doesn't seem to be better with their medication.  My pulse still hovers around 100 at rest and 130+ with any exertion.  It doesn't bother me most the time, some times I do get light headed and shaky, but not often.
Beyond that, I want to talk to her about my bowels and lack of movement.  It seems these days even laxatives aren't working for me.

That's about it. 

Signs of lung infection and when to contact a dr.

Understanding COPD

How Your Lungs Work



Preventing Respiratory Infection and Avoiding IrritantsPeople with COPD have difficulty clearing their lungs of bacteria, dusts and other pollutants in the air. This makes them at risk for lung infections that may cause further damage to the lungs.


Therefore, it is important to watch for signs of infection and follow these tips to help prevent infections. You will probably not be able to avoid infections entirely, but these tips will help you prevent infections as much as possible.


What can I do to prevent infections?


Visitors
If visitors have cold or flu symptoms, ask them not to visit until they are feeling well.


Environment
Keep your house clean and free from excess dust. Keep your bathrooms and sinks free from mold or mildew.


Do not work in or visit any form of construction site. Dust can be harmful. If you absolutely must go near this type of area, wear a mask provided by your doctor.


Avoid air pollution, including tobacco smoke, wood or oil smoke, car exhaust fumes and industrial pollution which can cause inhaled irritants to enter your lungs. Also avoid pollen.


Make sure your cooking vent is working properly so cooking fumes can be drawn out of the house.


If possible, try to stay away from large crowds in the fall and winter when the flu season is at its peak.


Equipment care
Keep breathing equipment clean.


Do not let others use your medical equipment, including: oxygen cannula, metered dose inhaler (MDI), MDI spacer, nebulizer tubing and mouthpiece.


Diet
Try to eat a balanced diet. Good nutrition is important to help the body resist infection. Eat foods from all the food groups.


Drink plenty of fluids - at least 6 to 8 eight-ounce glasses per day (unless your doctor gives you other guidelines). Water, juices and sports drinks are best.


Hand washing
Frequently wash your hands with soap and warm water, especially before preparing food, eating, taking medications or breathing treatments; and after coughing or sneezing, using the bathroom, touching soiled linens or clothes, and after you've been around someone with a cold or the flu as well as after you've been at a social gathering.




Other general health guidelines


Do not rub your eyes, as this can transmit germs to your nasal passages via the tear ducts.


Quitting smoking and avoiding second-hand smoke (the smoke from a burning cigarette or cigar and the smoke exhaled by a smoker) are important steps you can take to protect your lungs from infection.


Follow your doctor's medication guidelines.


Get enough sleep and rest.


Manage your stress!


Talk to your doctor or health care provider about getting a flu shot every year and get the pneumonia vaccine if you have not had one.


Be careful to avoid infection when traveling. In areas where the water might be unsafe, drink bottled water or other beverages (order beverages without ice). Swim only in chlorinated pools.


When should I call my doctor?


Call your doctor if you experience any of the warning signs of an infection (listed below). Also call your doctor if you have any symptoms that cause concern.


Warning signs of infection
While most infections can be successfully treated, you must be able to recognize an infection's immediate symptoms for proper and effective care.


Increased shortness of breath, difficulty breathing or wheezing


Coughing up increased amounts of mucus


Yellow- or green-colored mucus (may or may not be present)


Fever (temperature over 101°F) or chills (may or may not be present)


Increased fatigue or weakness


Sore throat, scratchy throat or pain when swallowing


Unusual sinus drainage, nasal congestion, headaches or tenderness along upper cheekbones


If you have any of these symptoms, contact your physician right away, even if you don't feel sick.


Avoiding irritants
The lungs of people with COPD are sensitive to certain irritating substances in the air, such as: cigarette smoke, exhaust fumes, strong perfumes, cleaning products, paint/varnish, dust, pollen, pet dander and air pollution. Extreme cold or hot weather conditions can also irritate your lungs.


You can avoid some of these irritants by:


Asking those around you not to smoke.


Sitting in non-smoking sections of public places.


Requesting smoke-free hotel rooms and rental cars.


Avoiding underground parking garages.


Avoiding high traffic or industrialized areas.


Not using perfumes, scented lotions or other highly scented products that may irritate your lungs.


Using non-aerosol cleaning or painting products in well-ventilated areas and wearing a mask or handkerchief over your mouth when cleaning (dusting, vacuuming, sweeping) or working in the yard.


Reducing exposure to dust by regularly changing filters on heaters and air conditioners and using a dehumidifier.


Keeping pets out of the house, especially if you wheeze.


Using an exhaust fan when cooking to remove smoke and odors.


Staying indoors when the outside air quality is poor and pollen counts are high.


Following weather reports and avoiding extreme weather. During cold weather, cover your face when going outdoors. During extreme humidity, try to stay in air conditioned areas.

Weigh In

I gained 1.2 pounds last week.  I am sure that eating soda crackers with chicken broth all week, and then eating sherbet before bed each night, and no exercising did me in.  Some say the steroids are the culprit, I dunno... only that I am back on the trampoline today.  I bounce until I have coughing fits then get off for a while.  I am taking over the cooking again.  Bless Bills heart, but he is the Ultimate comfort food cook. 

Bill told me I am being too hard on myself.  But, I have to remain focused on losing weight.  The goal I was shooting for is off the table now (the LVRS), so now I am doing this only for me... and with the hopes it may help me breath easier.  At the very least, it will do wonders to my self esteem.  So... I am trudging on.  Honestly, I felt better when I was exercising.  I know I am sick and my body is fighting an infection, but I just feel so sluggish. 

Once I get going with the bodybugg and entering my food online again I will begin posting again, the daily caloric charts.  While I was sick I ate four things mostly... gallons of chicken broth, orange sherbet, clementine oranges and soda crackers.  Not much to enter, so I just haven't done anything since last Thursday.  I had such a good 3 days prior to that too.  Oh well, I will work back up to that and you can bet next week I will have a loss.

Thursday is Bills 60th birthday so Britt and Fernando are taking us out to dinner... I'll have to watch what I eat then.  And, then Saturday the gathering of Bill's friends we were going to do last week is happening.  So once again I will have to watch what I eat then.  Probably the smartest thing to do is to just exercise more to make up for these two dangerous diet days.
I'll keep you posted.

A terrible Monday

I just wanted to  check in... Today has been one of those days I would be perfectly happy to have disappear and never reoccur.

2 very dear friends of our family had a son who had been in and out of the hospital most of his short 9 months.  He passed away yesterday.  They have 2 beautiful daughters who are 4 and 2 and he was their last.  A boy.  Little Ryker you will be greatly missed.

It just leaves a quiet hush around the house.  Something unspeakable, and yet so present.  There are just no words that can ease the pain.  I think we all need a book or a set of phrases to say in important situations throughout our lives.  Comforting words, uplifting words... just the right thing when it's needed.  Wouldn't that be nice to just flip to a tab and say the appropriate thing? 

Then tonight for the first time in over a year my step father sends me a message on facebook and signs it with both his name and the woman he is with.  If I haven't made it clear... I disapprove highly of his choice of a companion.
So as nicely as I could... I sent him a picture of him and my mom and I standing in their kitchen about 6 years ago, and I told him this is the family I remember.  That I wished him health and happiness but by him being with "her" I feel dishonors my mother.  I signed it.. love Kellie.

I hope that is the end.  I talk to my mom a lot.  Out loud, especially when I have the house to myself.  I am not sure if that's healthy or not?  But we have some great conversations. 

Tomorrow is my Weight Watchers weigh in.  I am not so confident this time around.  I have been eating mostly broth and chicken soup.  But, have also been eating sherbet and sorbe' to make my throat feel better.  And, I have not exercised in 3 days.  Well... Last night I got on my trampoline and bounced for a while, until I almost coughed up a lung.  So I decided until I can feel a little better no jumping. 

This is my first "lung infection" since diagnoses.  Umm, maybe once last year I can't remember.  Any way...  it is so much different now.  It didn't waist time much in my head, or start out as a sinus infection, it pretty much went right into the lungs.  I still have a plugged up nose, but most of it is running down the back of my throat.  Sorry for the visual there!  LoL

My lungs are really hurting.  Aching, sharp pains when I cough.  I have not been able to cough anything up.  I need to be able to do that to avoid pneumonia.  I am on my 3rd day of steroids and antibiotics.  True to form the steroids leave me sleepless and are beginning to make me puffy.  I don't know why that is?  Every time I have had to remove my rings... my fingers will swell. 

I will let you know how things go tomorrow at weigh in.  I certainly hope tomorrow is a better day.

Britt and I were going to have a birthday get together for Bill today.  Just BBQ-ing some burgers, playing some cards, and the guys could play horseshoes since the weather is great right now.

Thursday night/Friday morning I woke up around 2:00 while letting our dog out and knew that I would be calling my doctor when I woke up Friday morning.  By the time I woke up Friday whatever it was had gotten into my lungs.  This time it didn't linger in my head as a cold it pretty much settled right into my lungs, my left lung to be more specific.
So, I called my Pulmonologist and by 10:00a.m. I was already taking my first dose of Prednisone (steroid) and Azithromycin (antibiotic). 

So, needless to say we called everyone and told them the party was off and hopefully next weekend we could do it.  His Birthday isn't until the 27th anyway. 

So, I am mostly laying around.  I will get online from time to time to play my silly facebook games but for the most part I am propped up with pillows in my bed or out in my favorite recliner just being jello.

I am going to try and do a little exercising this afternoon.  Well, it's actually already afternoon... maybe later then .. I am thinking that if I can move around a little this may not settle into my lungs and I might keep it stirred up so I can cough and get rid of it. 

I know, having my sinus's swollen makes it interesting using a nasal cannula.  One side of my nose is not plugged and that's about all the O2 that I am getting.  I am glad that I listened to my doctor and bought a oxi-meter so I can test my oxygen saturation and my pulse.  My O2 has stayed around 90 and my heart rated while laying around is 98/105.  I am not going to worry too much about my oxygen levels until it drops into the 80's and won't come up.  I think if I remember correctly my doctor told me 85 and below to call her if it won't raise back up into the 90's.

All in all I just feel very weak, and I have a headache.  Not so much sinus as in the back and sides.  I am drinking a lot of chicken broth and sucking on butterscotch candies to coat my sore throat.

I'll post more later or tomorrow.

I get these emails from Healthy Living and I thought this one fit my theme lately, so I thought I would share.  It has lots of good advice, that is common sense but we sometimes need to be reminded of what we know.

By Madeline Vann, MPH

Medically reviewed by Christine Wilmsen Craig, MD


It's the dieter's worst enemy — that gnawing hunger when you're trying to eat less and lose weight.
But fighting off those feelings of hunger could be as simple as a walk to the nearest soup and salad bar for lunch. Here's how you can make food choices that will keep you feeling full and help prevent the hunger pangs that lead to diet-busting snacks or binges.






Food Strategies For Losing Weight
If you want to feel full all day on less food, focus on these eating strategies:


Get enough lean protein and fiber. A study of 22 men who changed the amount of protein in their diets for 18-day periods showed that those who ate the least protein were the most likely to report being hungry. "Protein is the number one thing to help you feel full," says Emily Banes, RD, clinical dietitian at Houston Northwest Medical Center. "The second thing is fiber."


Eat a rainbow of fruits and vegetables. Researchers tracked the weight-loss success of 71 obese women between 20 and 60 years of age on a low-fat diet. Half of the women were also told to increase their fruit and vegetable intake. At the end of one year, both groups of women had lost weight, but the women who ate the most fruits and veggies reported the greatest weight loss and were less likely to say they felt hungry on any given day. In fact, when the researchers crunched the data, they found that whether the women reported feeling hungry frequently predicted their ability to lose weight. Other studies have shown that changing your eating habits to focus on these water- and fiber-rich foods will help you maintain weight loss for up to six years.


Sip soup. Adding two low-calorie soups to your diet every day could stave off hunger pangs and keep you satisfied longer. Choose soups that are broth-based, not cream-based, to reduce the calorie count; also look for soups that are low in sodium. Consider chunky, pureed vegetable soups, as they have been shown to produce the most lasting full feeling. Timing your soup so that you have it before a meal also reduces the amount you eat at that meal by about 20 percent, according to a study of 53 overweight adults.


Eat whole grains. A serving of whole grains will stick with you longer than a serving of refined wheat bread or any other refined flour product, for that matter. Most refined flour is white and often bleached.


Pick "airy" snacks. If you must snack and you don't have a piece of fruit or a veggie tray on hand, choose the snack food that has more air in it — think cheese puffs instead of potato chips, rice cakes instead of cookies. You will feel just as full as you would if you ate the same serving size of another snack, but you will consume fewer calories on average. Another way to fight off hunger is to develop a "low-energy density" eating plan. This means that you can eat a large quantity of foods that do not have a high calorie count. Learning about portion sizes and counting calories is one way to approach this, but you can also try the plate method, which dictates that half your plate be full of veggies, one-quarter dedicated to a starch (preferably whole grain), and one-quarter to a lean protein.


And speaking of plates, it's worth noting that a study of 45 adults demonstrated that the oft-repeated advice to eat on a smaller plate if you want to feel like you have more food in front of you actually has no effect on the amount you eat at a meal (if you are serving yourself) or your feeling of being full.

A friend left me a comment, this is part of it..............
don't you realize that you're a shining example of how to live DESPITE it? You're an inspiration. You're full of courage and fight. On top of all the rest. THAT'S what this blog is about. It's about teaching the rest of us how to be magnificent in dealing with what life hands us. Not just what living with COPD is about. You're detailing the experience, yes, but because of your beautiful spirit, you've become a teacher.
I have thought about this for two days.  Almost speechless, I feel humbled and anything but that description. 

Writing this blog started out to be all about Copd and the daily struggles.  It really has taken on a life of it's own.  It is a place I come to where I feel safe and can "say" anything I want without fear of judgement or hurting feelings.  It's very freeing.  I never thought of myself as a teacher.  And, "beautiful spirit" is a phrase I would have never connected with me. 

It is an awesome feeling knowing just one person feels that way about me.  I don't take compliments well.  I am not sure why?  It's easier to hear the bad than the good.  It's always been that way for me.  It could be being raised by a (wonderful) mother who had very high expectations for me, and I always was just short of reaching them.

Anyway... my Angel of a friend.... Thank you so much for the kind words.  I will always remember them and you.

O.K....  So,
Yesterday I did so well sticking to exercising and eating well, then last night I was out of control.  The good thing (if there is such a thing) about me getting out of control is I do much less harm because we don't have much bad in the house.  I ate... 3 Quaker Rice Cakes, 4 pieces of bacon, 2 yogurts, 2 laughing cow cheese.   All totaling about 300 calories.  But, that's 300 calories I need to make up for this week.

I have a problem eating a meal then calling it quits.  So... I have been drinking coffee in the morning, water throughout the day, and then around 4-5 having dinner.  Then holding off until around 8:30 or 9:00 for a snack before I go to bed.  Night time eating is such a bad habit for me!

Tonight I got the urge again, but said NOPE... and have gotten up and got on the trampoline for 5 minutes or more until the urge has passed.  It's 9:00, I am sitting here watching American Idol and wanting to snack.  Ugh

This is about where I go take my night time meds and hope they make me sleepy before I give up and give in.
This weight loss for me is much harder than quitting smoking.  Smoking I could quit cold turkey.  Over and done with!  Food on the other hand, you can't do without.  It's that happy medium that I find hard to sustain.  The obvious is... My life is nowhere as active as it once was.  Between the Copd and back issues I am not as active, however I still had been eating like I did 10 years ago.  Hence the weight issue.  It's really quite simple... I either need to be more active, or cut back on calories.  And, to lose weight I need to do both.


They say it takes 6 weeks for something to become habit.  I am hoping good eating and breaking the night time eating will become second nature to me.  As with everything worthwhile I can fight it out. 

Tuesday's weigh in day

I had a 2 pound loss this week.  I was hoping for more, but remembered taking Layla to see Tangled and eating a LARGE popcorn with lots of butter and salt.  So, considering that I did pretty well.  That brings my total loss to 26.2 pounds and a weight of 197.8.

With this program every week you can look back and see maybe where needs work or how steady you were with exercise and staying within caloric boundaries.

This graph shows on the left how many pounds lost each week.  In the middle shows how far "off" I am according to my 2 pound per week goal.  Then on the right shows my 2 pound goal.  I am about 3 pounds behind what I set my goal at.  I hope to make that up with a pound here and a few ounces there.  I want that line to continue downward.  It will automatically give me the projected date I will hit my goal. 
Incidentally... the goal I set will also be adjusted.  My ultimate goal is according to standard guidelines for my age and height and that is 146.

This is the finalized view of yesterdays results.  The armband continues to track calories burned even while sleeping... yes you burn calories as you sleep.  You can compare this to what I posted yesterday and see the difference.  Yesterday I kept getting interrupted while I was exercising... so it shows each time I would start and stop... but ultimately I reached an hour.

I don't have the pressure of losing weight by a certain date now, or getting my BMI to a specific number.  I am not letting myself off the hook.  I am not sure if this is 100% for me or maybe partly to go back to my pulmonologist in March (he was the one who told me "I could hate him for telling me I need to lose weight") and be much lighter just to show him I am listening, and I do try and take care of myself.

Bill tells me he is proud of me for being so self motivated.  I know he is surprised.  Heck, I am surprised at myself.  The fact I quit smoking cold turkey astonishes me.  Now to be motivated to exercise every day for an hour is HUGE for me.  Diet is one thing, but exercise is something I never did. 

It is ridiculous that it takes me so long to get to an hour per day.  Sometimes 10 minutes at a time, sometimes less than that.  I do what my heart rate and breathing allow me to do.  I am pushing myself and I think that is fine and good as long as I know my boundaries.  I don't get so out of breath that I am gasping, I don't let my pulse get to the place where your head pounds to each beat of your heart and your vision gets fuzzy.  LoL  Most healthy people would say... are you crazy?  No... that is what happens if I go too far or exercise too quickly.

So, I will be perfectly happy saying I exercise an hour a day.  Even if it takes me all day to do it.  

Staying on track



This was day 6 in a row of exercising an hour a day.




My food consumption.  I fried chicken breasts on top of the stove with olive oil, hence the fat grams.  I was happy this week with my sodium intake though.



Brittney bought a treadmill with all the bells and whistles.  I went over today and walked for 20 minutes, thinking it would be a good cardio.  It didn't even register on my chart.  So, I came home and got my hour in in 3 increments on the mini trampoline.



I will once more be very curious at tomorrow's weigh in.  Since I have exercised an hour every day since last Tuesday, I am wondering how big of effect it will have.  One hour on the bicycle didn't do the cardio that this little trampoline seems to.  

I feel better.  It's odd, I seem to have more stamina for projects.  But I have just been exhausted this week.  I could sleep until 9 or 10.  I never have done that before.  I always have been up with the sunrise.  Of course I am wondering how much of me getting up early was to do the coffee and cigarette thing?  I am finding a few areas in life that I question .... did I enjoy this only because I could smoke while doing it?  I can't think of them now of course, but I remember thinking to myself... I don't enjoy this like I used to, or what was so special about this?  The common denominator seems to be smoking.  I am so glad I don't have that habit hanging over me anymore.

I realized that I haven't had but 1 cold/flu since I quit smoking.  And, with the doctors quick response with antibiotics and steroids that didn't last long.  I am really careful now at grocery stores to use their disinfectant wipes or wash my hands all the time so I won't get germs.  When I am at the doctors office I sit as far away from anyone else as I can.  I am just more aware of germs and where they are concentrated. 
Layla has been more healthy too.  I told Britt that because of the danger if I get sick, if Layla has something we can't be around her.  I think just once has she had to stay home for a week or so. 
Maybe we all are getting more conscience of it.

It's funny, but along with this disease I am getting healthier and more fit than when I didn't know I had it.  I find it difficult not to do the "I wish I would have" game. 
You know the one... I wish I would have quit smoking years ago, or better yet... never started.  I wish I would have taken better care of my body when I was younger.  I wish, I wish, I wish. 
I can't go back and change things, but I can be kinder to myself now. 

People who have copd need to have a healthy diet.  They need to drink lots of water to remain hydrated, and flush toxins out of our bodies.  We need to avoid salt.  It is a lung killer.  We need to eat colorful food.  Deep green and red veggies and fruit.  Really anything of color is packed full of vitamins and nutrients that we need.
All things pale and white usually are more harmful to us. 

Before I was diagnosed we ate mostly red meat and starchy veggies and butter and gravy.  No wonder my weight sky rocketed huh?  lol
I salted everything, craved salty chips and crackers.  Ate tons of dense cheese.  I love cheese, all kinds, but it really is not the best for me.

Now we eat only Chicken and Turkey and some pork.  I am not a big sea food eater so once in a while I will cook fish just for Bill.  I drink skim milk.  I never in my life would have thought I would do that!  I don't salt my food or use very little salt in cooking.  I eat veggies all day and lots with my dinner. 
I gave up bread.  Once maybe a month I will use bread to have a sandwich.  Mostly I will use corn tortilla's.  Just more healthy.  I am doing my best to stay away from white flour.  Even our pasta now is wheat or whole grain.
I am cooking couscous and orzo instead of rice.  It has less starch.

I would like to say it makes my skin glow and my hair healthy.  But that isn't the case.  My digestive system is so out of whack.  I am taking laxatives every day with little success.  I know these things I have done for me are healthy.  I just have also added so many medications that I need to work out a balance.  With time I suppose.

A new year ... A new blog ... a new direction

I have absorbed the idea of no surgery and have come to the conclusion that my life will just take a different path. 

I do intend on talking to my Pulmonologist and asking him WHY he told me it was time to select a transplant hospital?  Why he then told me I would need LVRS instead?  Since October or November (heck it might have even been in August or September) I have been preparing myself for a lung surgery of some sort.  So, it's like I have to come up with a new plan now.  I have to tell you I am a little irritated with him for making me stress the last months, making my family think at any minute I may be called to Seattle.  It is a big deal to me.

Since it's the new year, I am going to set new goals for myself.  I "remodeled" my blog to suit me.  It will no longer be about a transplant or a surgical procedure.  It will be about me doing my best to improve my body and soul.  I have some healing to do.  I have been in this very dark place the last months.  I have pushed Bill away.  I have spent nights writing and re-writing my will.  I have focused on the end of my life instead of a new beginning.

It is a new beginning.  I will still be the Copd patient.  I will still have diseased lungs.  I can still count on having more doctors appointments than most, and taking more drugs than most, lugging around an oxygen canister like others don't.  But, I can make things easier.

I can concentrate on my weight loss and exercising.  If you would have told me a year ago that I would be exercising for an hour a day I would have told you ... you're crazy.  If you would have told me that by this summer I could drop 40 or more pounds, I would think you were crazy.

It is realistic.  I have been pushing myself everyday to get 3 sets of 20 minutes of cardio in.  I am not sure if it is the smartest thing to do to my heart right now, but I am doing it.  I am aware of every bite of food now that goes into my mouth, and I document it. 

I am going to be a woman who wears a cannula around her face.  I am always going to have limitations, but I will no longer be waiting for this big scary thing that is looming in my future. 

I know what each day could be now.  Bad days... no going outside, sleeping much more than I should, getting out of breath just getting dressed, forgetting things, getting dizzy standing up.
Good days... getting out and being part of the movement of our town, being one of many in a store, walking with "my ducks" at the park, laughing with Layla, and loving Bill, planning things with Brittney.

I can take control of my weight.  Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing changes makes me want to continue. 

This is a new start.  I have a different attitude.  I will do my best to not dwell on things.  I will try and see me as a thriving woman, rather than used goods.  I just need to redefine "thriving". 

Instead of seeing the labels ... transplant or LVRS ... you will see labels for exercise, weight loss, and as always blog posts will just be daily life, maybe a few recipes in there too.

I am not being unrealistic.  I know I will have moments of depression, that comes with my disease.  But, I am learning to see the onset and get a grasp of it before it gets too far.  I know I will still have times that the frustration peaks and I strike out.  I do my best not too, but if I am being honest that's how it goes.  Sadly Bill seems to get the biggest part of that. 

I began this blog in February of 2010 and I had intended to just document a year.  But to truly get an accurate picture of this illness you have to see the progression.  That is the insidious part of this... is how it slowly almost without seeing it robs you of your existence.  It leaves most house bound, tied to a machine, unable to walk or even shower themselves without assistance.  I have seen the end of this disease.  I have watched both parents die from it.  It's ugly, it is cruel and it can get ahold of anyone who has damaged their lungs.

So... I will continue on with this blog far past the first year. 

I have high expectations of 2011.  I took about all I could take last year.  This year is my year of acceptance.  It's for me learning to live with copd instead of fighting against it. 

I finally have news

I have been wondering how to write this?  It's not that easy.  I don't even know exactly how I feel about it.  It is the oddest feeling.  Sometimes relieved, sometimes hopeless, and other times just numb.

So... Last night I got the call I had been waiting for.  As soon as the woman told me her name and where she was calling from I swear it was like I was in a tunnel hearing only her words.
It was a call from the University of Washington that I had been waiting for all this time.  Whatever she said would determine my future and how it would be lived.

As it turns out... I will not be having the surgery at this time.  She told me my FEV 1 #'s are too high to qualify for  the surgery.  She told me to continue on with my Pulmonologist and they will be testing me every 6 months. 

This is bittersweet for me.  I was scared to death to have the surgery.  What I read online and those I spoke with had extreme anxiety and discomfort with the surgery and post op.  However, if the results were good there was a chance I could come off of oxygen for maybe years. 
I had been preparing myself for it.  Losing weight as fast as I could, going through all those tests, laying in bed at night wondering if I was going to come out of it... I had talked myself into it.  Set my mind to it.  And now........  Well... Now nothing.  I will go on with my days just like I have been for a year.

I feel like this whole year has been building to this and now I find out I will continue to decline until I get serious enough for them to do the procedure.  I have no idea how long that will be.  It feels odd to just be left to decline.  That is the nature of emphysema/copd though. 

One does not get better.  I can and will however do whatever I can to slow the progression down.  Losing weight is helping to make breathing easier... not better, just easier to get air in.  Does that make sense?
The slimmer I get I think the easier it will get also.  I am exercising which will help my lung function.  It doesn't matter to me that I exercise with a cannula on.  I had hopes of getting rid of it.... but that is just not to be.

It's really odd to finally after all these years be smoke free, be exercising, losing weight & taking better care of myself ... only to continue on a downhill slide.

Please don't judge me badly for being so dramatic.  I will see the positive in this.  Already I am telling myself look... this is what you have to work with and you can only do what you can do.  I am putting all my effort into taking life day by day.  I am trying to have no expectations beyond tomorrow.  All I can do is take it one day at a time. 


(This will be my last post with the label LVRS)

A look at my program


Here is a look at this program I am following.  
This is just one day.. yesterday ... and it tracks everything for you.  My favorite part of it is being able to plug in my armband at any time and find out what my caloric deficit is.  It tells me to stop eating, or to exercise more, or that I am right on track each day.  So, truly if I don't make my 2 pound goal each week it is 100% due to my own sabotage.

This shows my deficit and below the graph shows how many calories burned during a period of time.  (this is not a normal day for me as far as intake goes.  I try and keep it around 900, and my deficit at 1000.



With each meal I get online and add my foods eaten.  The program holds food eaten a lot into memory, some I have to add the recipe or nutrition information off the package.  The pie chart shows me how balanced my meals are



The graph below shows my exercise ... The intensity and the length each time throughout the day.  I am trying to build up to 1 hour. 





Once a week (after my Weight Watchers weigh in) I come here and update my weight.  then every 2 or 3 weeks I take measurements.  I like seeing the measurements... it shows me areas to concentrate on.




With every plus is a minus.  LoL  This shows me how on track I am with my goal.  I am currently 4.24 pounds off track.   



A loss is a loss is a loss!  I repeat that over and over again.  Today my loss was .8 bringing my total weight loss to 24.2 pounds and a weight of 199.8 .

I broke the 200 mark.  I hope I never see it again.  Good riddance

I have been working out with one of those mini trampolines.  I "walk" on it, trying not to bounce just use it for momentum and resistance.  I also have just started using 2 pound hand weights while "walking".  I know that it's working.  My legs and butt are getting more toned.  I am not even thinking I am toned, so don't get me wrong.  What was a handful is now less, my clothes are getting bigger and my ARMS (so happy about this) do not have quite the lose chicken wings they had a few months ago.  As you can see from the pictures up there, I only exercise for 10 minutes at a time.  This however is all I can do at once.  If I can do 6 sets of 10 minutes per day then I will work on maybe 4 sets of 15 and so on.

I am disappointed in losing less than 2 pounds a week.  But it is my "emotional eating" that is getting in the way.  The only difference between now and last year is that when I eat to soothe my emotions or depression I eat healthier and realize as I am chewing what I am doing.   And, the one thing that saves me is I don't keep junk on hand anymore.  If Bill has something I ask him to keep it to himself and out of my sight.

It's something I need to work on.  Eating because I am upset or bored or depressed will only make things worse.  Finding healthier ways to deal with life will be a wonderful achievement if I can ever truly get there.

Yesterday I made some really good Chili.  It is my own recipe.  I'll post it here.  I plugged it into the recipe portion and it gave me the caloric total which is 124 per cup. 

Kellie's White Chili

2 Tblsp. olive oil

2 lb chicken breasts, cubed

1/2 cup onions, chopped

2 cups chicken broth (fat free, low sodium)

2 4ounce cans chopped green chilies

2 tsp. garlic powder

2 tsp. cumin

1 tsp. oregano

1 tsp. cayenne pepper

2 cans white kidney beans (cannelloni) undrained

2 cups fat free sour cream

Heat olive oil in saucepan; add chicken and cook for about 5 minutes, stirring often.

Remove chicken.  Add onion and cook about 2 minutes. 

Stir in chicken broth, chilies and spices and let simmer 30 minutes. 

Stir in chicken and beans; simmer 10 minutes. 

Stir in sour cream; heat through and serve. 

Can serve with chopped cilantro and tortilla chips

makes about 10 cups

124 calories per cup (not including chips and cilantro)

Bill says this should come with a warning.  LoL  It is HOT, but one of those hot things that only really hurts once you stop eating it. 

If you don't like heat... leave out the cayenne pepper

My depression has reared it's ugly head again.  It's not so out of hand as before, but I have that urge to run from issues, to sleep life away and to avoid anyone.  It's difficult because Britt's boyfriends mom and I have become friends and she would really like to do things with me, and I would rather lock myself up and not have to put on a happy front for people.  I can do it rather well, but once in a while I crack and if someone were to bring up a touchy subject I have been known to  tear up... which is so embarrassing! 

My emotions are so close to the surface these days, I find it easier just to stay at home around family who knows I am a crybaby.  It's really odd, but when I have the most problems are when people are kind to me and ask things like... "How are you feeling?" or look at me with their head turned sideways and say "are you O.K.?"  I want so badly to tell them I am living.  I am breathing, and as far as I know my heart is still thumping.  That is a good day for me.  I know they mean well, but I can see that "look" in their eyes.  It's the same look that my family had the first couple times they saw me with a cannula on or struggling for air after just talking or telling a story.  I don't do well with compliments or sympathy, I never knew or learned how to react to it.

It is coming up on a year that I have been writing this.  I think it started around the 5th of February.  It will be interesting to go back and do some reading and comparing.